In The End In Wonderland We Both Went Mad

Begin your essay with the sentence "I was never so happy..."

I remember getting to write narrative essays in SPM. That was one of the few reasons I enjoy English. Being allowed to be creative and write about anything. After SPM all the essays written are usually factual essays which greatly inhibits the imagination.

During high school my essays are usually dark and grim. I am not sure if my teacher will feel concerned for me when she read my essays. This is what I usually write. The plot is kinda the same even though the style I use now is different than when I was in form 5.

So yup here it goes:

I was never so happy when I saw then sun set and felt the wind rush on my cheeks. I cracked a smile on my lips and close my eyes just before I hit the ground.

There is always this one spot in the municipal park I always love to go to. There is always this one bench where I always have my lunch or read a book during my break time. This spot has always been my favorite place to go to because in the hectic and hustle bustle of the city, there is a certain peace in this park which attracts me.

Today is just like any other day. I left my office for lunch at 1:00 p.m and I head to my usual spot in the park. I sat down and just as I want to open my lunch box, a person crashed into me causing me to drop my lunch on the floor. I love my food so my only reaction was to stare sadly at my spilled lunch scattered on the floor.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there" said a voice which echoes of summer. I look up and I gaped like an idiot. Because I saw the girl of my dreams. She looks so perfect. She had a heart shaped face. Her long black locks swept by the wind. Her round apologetic eyes. All I can do was stammer like an idiot and gape at her. "I'm so sorry! I will pay for your lunch okay? Better yet I will make it up to you. Let's go have lunch now!" Her voice sound so sweet. I only mumble okay and followed her across the park to a nearby cafe.

She proclaimed the was the most clumsy person in the world. She often trip and stumble everywhere. I felt as though I was in high school again. While she talked I felt shy to even look at her directly and I just nod and mumble a reply. I am confused. Why do I felt so shy? I have talked to girls before. Heck I even dated a few girls before. Why is she making me feel so odd? I look at my wrist and noticed the time. I need to go, I got up and told her I need to get back to work. Before I left, I asked shyly " Erm... May I know your name?" She looked surprised. "Oh so sorry again! I been talking so long and I have yet to introduce myself. Hi my name is November, it's an odd name I know but it's mine and I like it!"

Since that day I stumbled upon November, I went to the park everyday during my lunchtime with hopes I will get to see November again. I am not someone who believe in fate but somehow after meeting November by chance, I am starting to believe in fate and destinies. Perhaps it was fate that decided my chance encounter with November. I sat on the bench day by day. However two weeks had gone by and I did not see November again since that day.

"You really like to come here don't you?" asked a familiar voice. I look up and it was November. I did my best to contain my excitement and said hello. She sat down beside me and I told her how much I love this spot in the park. About how I always come here during my lunch hours to enjoy the serenity. "I grew up around here. I often come to this park and spend countless hours in the playground when I was a kid. I moved away from here after I got my job but I still come here whenever I can" said November in her melodic voice.

As weeks turned into months, my encounters with November become more frequent, We talk about everything. I begin to feel more comfortable with November. We talked about everything. As the days come to pass, I am starting to fall in love with November. I always think one day in life I will meet someone who will be the one. November seems like the one. People come and go but I felt November will be the one who stays, forevermore.

Two months after meeting November for the very first time at the park, I asked her out. She looked puzzled and surprised when I asked her. "You are cute" she giggled. "Okay I will go out with you." she agreed with a smile. I was so happy.

And so we went on our first date and from first went on to second and third and on the seventh date on the first of November I asked her to be my girlfriend. She reacted the same way she did when I asked her out for the first time. She giggled and gave me that smile that could light up the darkest nights and she said "Yes, I am yours"

*This is the time where I look at my watch and see how little time I have left*

I love to read fairy tales when I was a child and now it feels like I am living in one. I am now dating the girl of my dreams and things are looking good. Life seems to be moving along the happy ending. We were happy together. Like every other couple we have our arguments and small fights but even after every fight we will still make it up and be happy.

From months to years. It's been 3 years since November came into my life and I really think she is the one. I felt it was time I asked her to be my wife. We met for the first time in November so it should be right for me to propose to her in November. I planned everything out. I am supposed to be away on a business trip and I will come home early to surprise her and ask the big question.

So finally, on November 25th exactly 3 years since we met, I knock on our apartment door. "Evans!" November said when she opened the door. Her hair was in a mess. She looked shocked and exhausted. "I thought you are still away on your business trip" I told her I came home early to see her on our 3rd year anniversary. "Erm well can I come in?" November stepped away from the door and let me in. That is when my my world shattered. There was another man in the bedroom.

My mind went blank. I backtrack my steps and went out of the apartment. I heard November called after me but I just walked up the stairwell to the rooftop. I thought everything was perfect. How could I not see this coming?

The sun is setting now. I stood on the ledge looking down from 20 floors up. The world feels so serene. The wind on my face. The setting sun giving the sky a majestic blood red hue. I felt the tears trickled down my cheeks. Perhaps life is really like a fairy tale without a happy ending.

"Evans?" November call out softly and apologetically. "I'm so sorry.. I didn't mean for you to find out this way." She inch closer to me. "Erm.. Just step off the ledge please and talk this out" Her voice sound broken and frail. I really don't know what to say to her. She moved closer to me. Now she is behind me. Looking at my back while I stare out to the sun set, standing on the ledge. "Evans?" she reached out towards me.

The moment her hand touched me, I pushed. I saw her stumbled upon the ledge. I saw her face as she fell. How terrified she is. Her tears carried up by the wind as she fell. The last sound I heard from her is a loud sickening splat as her body crashed on the pavement below.

I didn't know why I did that. I stepped off the ledge and puked. What have I done? I loved her with all my heart. How could I pushed her to her death? Shuddering, I knew there is only one thing I can do now. I have no where else to go. I climbed back on the ledge. Looking at the sun set. That November sun set. The last day I get to see November. I took a deep breath and jumped.

So basically all my essays in form 4 and form 5 were like that. It is usually a love story where either I cheat on someone or the girl cheat on me and everyone dies in the end. I got an A for it sometimes. I can't remember what name I use last time so I used November as the girl. A very grim essay indeed lolol

November has come to pass and say hello December!

BRING ON THE SNOW!


CHRISTMAS!

It's the 1st of December and I got a test -.-

It's the last month of the year and hey let's all make a list of the things we want to do before the year ends and procrastinate until 31st of December to get it done

The nutella with an identity crisis. Am I a nutella? Or am I m&m's? Oh god what am I?!

Okay I should get back to cramming my head with phase modulation theorem. Good Night Peeps!

I read somewhere dreams are stories of your life written by your soul. Last night I dreamed I was defending my house from a zombie apocalypse to protect my otter. Time to prepare for a zombie war.

Yup zombies. ikr

Someday When You Leave Me I Bet These Memories Follow You Around

“Memory gives moments immortality but forgetfulness promotes a healthy mind. It’s good to forget.”
— Hannibal

If you have watched or read The Fault In Our Stars, you would have probably heard of the fear of oblivion. Let's be honest, we all crave attention even if it's just a little. Who wants to go through life unnoticed? Not matter how much you can deny it, you must admit you feel nice when you get acknowledged.

Often we live our lives for the sake of others. Or maybe it's just me Often so we live in the past, keeping hold on memories which brings us joy. Or maybe again it's just me

Why do we do that?

I have no idea what goes on in my head most of the time which is why I kept a blog to keep track on my train of thoughts. Today for instance, I was submerged in my notes trying to stuff everything I can in 3 hours for a test when suddenly I recall a memory from a year before. Have that ever happen to you before? Recalling random memories out of no apparent reason. There are some memories that will be with you for eternity. Those moments have obtained immortality.

In my blog I randomly pour out thoughts, however in real life when I meet people I subconsciously avoid talking about myself. I do pour of random thoughts but none are relevant to who I am. Why am I more open in a public blog where everyone can read but I am more reclusive to the people around me? Perhaps I can just randomly type here without worrying about what other people may react.

Perhaps that was the reason I met so many Summers and no Autumn. Ever so often I don't talk about myself or trying to find out more about the Summers and just talk random thoughts on daily matters. Now I know why you are so frustrated sometimes.

Denial and Isolation

Anger

Bargaining 

Depression

Acceptance

This may have been one of my most messy post. My thoughts are scattered everywhere. In short, I am still harboring doubts on acceptance. Deep down inside I still hope Summer will become Autumn.

“Wishes of one's old life wither and shrivel like old leaves if they are not replaced with new wishes when the world changes. And the world always changes. Wishes get slimy, and their colors fade, and soon they are just mud, like all the rest of the mud, and not wishes at all, but regrets. The trouble is, not everyone can tell when they ought to launder their wishes. Even when one finds oneself in Fairyland and not at home at all, it is not always so easy to remember to catch the world in it's changing and change with it.”
― Catherynne M. Valente, The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making

Keep up with the change else the world and everything else will just leave you behind. That is a reason why things and people are always changing. Nothing is meant to remain the same forever. If everything remains the same and nothing happens, we would still be living in caves now. I don't like when people and things change before I could accept it. More so often I cling on to the way things are and hold on to those memories. Perhaps I fear oblivion more than solitude. Can I survive being alone or being forgotten?

 If you have read everything up to this point, here are pictures of food to show my gratitude

As odd as it may sound, I am not suicidal. I just like doing random things for random reasons.

I think I'm going to take some time off this blog and finish up all my novels before the exam season is upon me. Please don't miss me. When I say that I meant please miss me and beg me to write more because I secretly want people to read my blog and learn more about me and in return empathize with me and perhaps one day I will meet Autumn

Good Night Peeps!

Everybody Here Wanted Something More

"ap·a·thy ˈapəTHē/ noun lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern."

The efforts I place in making a present for someone shows how much that person means to me. If I can't make it as nice as I wish to I will ensure the content is something that person really wants. This is when I feel I need to be more selfish. I often spend most of my time or money on other people rather than myself. Perhaps my understanding of people is based on empathy. Even though I like to see how happy and joyful people get when they receive my present, deep down inside I always want someone to do the same thing for me. I want to receive a present as meaningful as the ones I make. Because to be honest every time I get a present for my birthday it is usually something I don't want

Okay perhaps I shouldn't complain so much. I know myself and to be honest unless you have been stalking my blog ever since forever it is quite difficult to find out what I want. That is also the reason why if I ever want something I usually get it for myself rather than wishing for someone to get for me. I am the most difficult person to get a present for if I must admit myself. Life is similar to (500) Days of Summer. There are a lot of instances your expectations do not even come close to reality. Perhaps you thought you know someone well and that person meant a lot to you, but you might not be as important to her as she is to you.

Okay perhaps I am not so okay as I thought I am. Maybe after so many years of doing so much for others, I just got tired.

This is one of my favorite present. It don't have to be fancy. And to be honest it doesn't serve much practical use but it just shows how meaningful it is. I love stars. This is the sort of present I secretly desire deep down inside. I always want someone to give me something which shows how much they know me and my obsessions.

Okay maybe I am still clinging on the hope of getting 1989 album which amplify my disappointments

Okay like I always say it's the thought that matters. Getting something by all means is way better than getting nothing and gets forgotten.


November 2014 is a month where I have a lot of random thoughts to blog about. I try to display empathy but all I get back is apathy. People are confusing sometimes. In most cases, the one thing most human desire above all else is companionship. Some people do not mind having nothing as long as they have someone in their life that understands them well. I think that is why I keep watching back how to train your dragon again and again this few days. I crave for the bond between Toothless and Hiccup.

"Amobarbital Drug
Amobarbital is a drug that is a barbiturate derivative. It has sedative-hypnotic properties. It is a white crystalline powder with no odor and a slightly bitter taste. It was first synthesized in Germany in 1923."

Chemistry is so cool. There is a chemica call sodium amytal that induce a person to tell the truth. In movies you see people use truth serum and stuff like that. IT ACTUALLY EXISTS. I think I see how people interact as chemical reactions. By understanding the chemicals perhaps I might understand people. Or maybe I just want to learn to make meth and get rich like Walter White.

So yup November edges closer to an end and December is creeping up on us. Perhaps when November ends so is my writing phase. Oh wait there is still December where I will blog about what happen this year and what to wish to expect next year.

Aside from the 1989 album I secretly want Hansel and Gretel by Neil Gaiman and also The Sleeper and The Spindle by Neil Gaiman and Soul Eater vol 22 and 23

Okay putting everything aside. I am thankful for everything I have received so far. Thank you to everyone and I really do appreciate the thoughts and efforts in the presents :) We should always be grateful and I am thankful to have people around me who I am forevermore be grateful to.

What Other Calls You, You Become

I think my understanding of people is heavily reliant on empathy. That thinking actually shape how I interact with people. I tend to share things about myself and hope people do the same. Usually they don't which is why I find creating bonds is not as simple as I thought.

If you have been reading my blog since.... forever then you will know I love How To Train Your Dragon, Taylor Swift and (500) Days of Summer. There is a reason why I love them. Watching How to Train Your Dragon for the nth time (n being a number close to infinity), I realized I want to have a bond like how Hiccup have with Toothless. That is the reason I empathize with people. I open up hoping they would do the same. Usually they don't which makes me feel as though I know nothing about them and eventually they drift out after a certain period of time.

The reason I love (500) Days of Summer is well, love is like that. You always think you found the right one but somehow she don't feel the same way and one day she meets someone else and she found what that was missing in you in him. Life is to me so far is that way.

I should be more selfish sometimes. Most of the time I always give things to random people. Maybe that is because I want to bring joy to the world. The only time I feel I truly am selfish is when I collect my figurines and went for Taylor Swift's RED Tour. I usually bring a tupperware full of food to my classes and most times I just share out most of it to my classmates. Maybe that is the reason I can't get fat. I need to be more selfish with my food lolol. Sometimes I wonder why am I doing so much for someone. Perhaps by bringing joy to their world maybe I can change the world to a better place one small step at a time?

Google is amusing sometimes.

 This cat is so high

Because it is buy one free one

The only thing I can obsess more other than Taylor Swift is Alice in Wonderland

“That's just the first part. What others call you, you become. It's a terrible magic that everyone can do — so do it. Call yourself what you wish to become.” 

― Catherynne M. Valente, The Girl Who Soared Over Fairyland and Cut the Moon in Two

I wish to become Santa. Or anyone who can bring joy to the world. I want to be someone who save animals and perhaps change the world with creative thinking. 

Again. Death. Go away. Test in 5 days %^&*()(^%$#@!@#$%

I just realized I posted more in a month that I did in half a year. 

I Find Myself Strangely Drawn To This Odd Configuration Of Activity

Find a job that you love and you wont feel as though you are working everyday. We are always told that if we want to have a blissful future we should always do something we want to. This words have been recycled countless times and to be honest I have now only seen the real life  example.

Recently me and my group members had a long discussion with one of our lecturers. Technically he is not a lecturer but a teaching consultant. The main point isn't his title but what he does. He was an engineer until 1994. After that he just went into retirement and does odd jobs. He went around cutting grass and do not place a price. It is up to the people how much they wanted to pay him. He even open up a toast bread shop in Gua Musang. Finally in 2011 he decided to apply for a teaching position in UMP and he got it.

He is a real life example on how powerful passion can be on our lives. University life isn't same as now back in the olden days. We are very privileged to have so many resources for us to access. If you are truly passionate on what you are studying then you will pour countless hours reading and understanding thick textbooks. Basically now, from my observation we usually just study up for a test. We don't usually take the extra step in the things we learn. Just enough to get an A and delete and repeat for a different subject.

This is why I am so amazed that he actually read completely everything there is to know about that subject. His argument was if you want to walk the talk you must ensure you are well versed in that subject. If everyone think the same way as him, Malaysia would have too many over qualified graduates.

My friend then asked the reality of working life. He said he was told a lot of things we studied for 4 years won't be used in our work. My lecturer said that is untrue. It depends on your perspective. As an engineer we are supposed to have a high degree of curiosity. If you are passionate about your job, then you will work beyond the working hours. Spend your free time researching and exploring, for instance how to reduce the power consumption in the office.

In short, if you are truly passionate on something then it won't feel like a chore. Find a job you will really like because it will truly be as though you are not working everyday. My lecturer even ask us to invest on an oscilloscope and conduct random experiments to truly understand what you are studying.

So now basically I am in the discovering myself phase. No just kidding. I spend all my time reading fairy tales, watching Hannibal again and waiting until the last due date only rush my home works.

I made this. I feel so proud. 

My mind is still messing with me when I thought I move on from Summer. Letting go might not be the easiest thing it seems.

I think I will try to find for a job where all I need to do is read fairy tales. That truly is a something I will be passionate about.


Okay. Study. Death go away from my grades.

If You Ask For My Heart, There's No Way I'll Say No

I find this very beautiful

Death is always with you. He grows with you. When you are born death is very little. So little you might never notice him at all. But as you grow older, Death grows with you. He watches over you and you will meet him when time comes. I find this personification of Death very interesting. It's a beautiful way to say we all will die eventually.

This is a bit grim from the things I usually blog about but I've been reading "The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making" again.

“Who are you?"

"I am Death," said the creature. "I thought that was obvious."

"But you're so small!"

"Only because you are small. You are young and far from your Death, September, so I seem as anything would seem if you saw it from a long way off-very small, very harmless. But I am always closer than I appear. As you grow, I shall grow with you, until at the end, I shall loom huge and dark over your bed, and you will shut your eyes so as not to see me.”

We all can't escape Death. Life brought us to the world and one day Death will spirit us away to another world. Sometimes when I meet my grandma I always think how long do I have to spend time with her? It's a bit grim to think that way but it makes me appreciate the fact that she is still here talking to me. Everyone I know and cherish is still around me.

“There is a reason God limits our days."

"Why?"

"To make each one precious.

Make full use of every moment we have because we will never know when will the time be when Death comes and greet you as an old friend. 

I am still searching for my Autumn. 

Should I stop talking to Summer?

Okay. Test. Tuesday. Death please do not visit my grades.

Oh Darling, I Love You So

"Tom: You don't want to be named as anybody's girlfriend, and now you're someone's wife?

Summer: I just... I just woke up one day and I knew.

Tom: Knew what?

Summer: ...What I was never sure of with you."

This scene was the reason why I love this movie so much. It is also why I felt so related to this movie I revolve my life around this movie 

I find it odd that I share more about myself in this public blog with no idea who is reading it than to the people around me. Honestly I can only think of 2 people I can really talk to when I have the "What I was never sure with you" moment. How odd it is that I have plenty of people around me but I do not relate to them. Only a few I rather open up to. I rather open up in this blog than to the people around me which makes me feel anti social at times.

Okay the reason I can always, well not only me I am sure other people can relate as well, to this scene was the fact that when you go after someone and you felt as though you are living in a dream. You felt as though you both are meant to be together but little did you know it is all only in your mind. She might not feel the same way as you do. Then one day she tells you she found someone else and reality breaks your dream and you are left to ponder on is, what was I lacking?

What was missing from you that she wasn't sure of? You have known her for years and out of the sudden someone else comes along and there she goes. She found what she wasn't sure in you in him. In the end what else can you do?

Will things ever be the same again?

A promise is a promise. 

I will always be there for you. Even if I know there is no hope at the end of that road.

I will be okay. 

Okay.

...

I Bleed When I Fall Down

I never felt so related to this 

That one moment where reality breaks in and the world of fantasy comes crashing down. 

Eternal November

"em·pa·thy /ˈempəTHē/ noun ; the ability to understand and share the feelings of another."

"Empathy is the capacity to share or recognize emotions experienced by another sentient or fictional being. One may need to have a certain amount of empathy before being able to experience accurate sympathy or compassion." 

"Lack of empathy is one of the most striking features of people with narcissistic personality disorder. It's a hallmark of the disorder in the same way that fear of abandonment is in borderline personality disorder."

Empathy. The one nature in a person that makes them human. The ability to feel, understand and connect to others. Does that one nature truly defines us as a human being? Empathy is the reason we feel guilty or remorse when we do something bad, but then again who is right to define what's right or wrong? Are we merely guided by religion or the basic concept of morality? Do good and harm no one.

There are two things I always seemed to be interested in. Fairy tales or fiction for young adults and psychology. I am always curious to learn how the human works. I wanted to pursue psychology after SPM but my parents forbid me to and here I am now in the engineering field. Perhaps that is the reason I love chemistry. The chemicals in our brain are responsible for our actions. It's like how Cortisol induces stress whereas Dopamine induces joy. It's is funny how such a meaningful thing as falling in love is actually the work of chemicals in our brain. It may not sound romantic but hey it just shows how influential the little chemicals in our head on our life.

Perhaps by understanding how the human mind works I would be able to understand how to react and behave in certain situations. There are countless moments where I just stayed quiet because I did not know how to react to certain situations. Those are the moments where I felt I might not be able to empathize. Which made me worried I might be prone to be a sociopath

But oddly I can empathize pain. Which made me uncomfortable whenever I watch movies or shows with a lot of gore scenes. Heck I even felt it when I read from a book. I have never really felt this way until I started reading about serial killers to present for my oral test in high school. Ever since then I have always felt uncomfortable whenever I watch gory scenes. I can feel the same thing happening to me which assured me I might not be a psychopath as well.

Oddly enough, Game of Thrones or Hannibal do not phase me as much as other shows. But the original Grimm fairy tales do get to me sometimes.

Being socially dormant on Facebook has led me to be more active and wordy in the blog. Okay maybe I should read more positive books and watch happier shows.

A random fact: I am not an avid reader when I was a kid. I only started reading when I finished form 6. Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events was the series that sparks my interest in reading. Ever since then I go broke buying so many books now I am just reading them again so I won't have to starve lolol. Just kidding. I still have some books I have yet to finish so I vowed not to get any more new books until I have finished them.

Perhaps I should read my academic books more than fiction and fantasy.

Owells it is still November yay!

Only The Dead Do Not Argue

"You cannot argue with fate, you can only defy it. You can only say no. No is how you know something is alive. Only the dead do not argue"

Mark Twain once said the most two important days in our lives is the day we are born and the day we found out why. We spend most of our time finding our place in the world. Our purpose. It might be the one thing that drives us to achieve everything we dream of. What if you meet your own fate? Not as in you are going to die. What if fate is a person you meet one day? A person who will tell you what is your fate, your purpose in this world. Would you want to find out your own destiny? What if your fate is something you did not expect it to be or even something you do not want to be? Is it still possible to change your fate?

We are all at the age where we contemplate on life and try to figure out what do we want to be in the future. Well I made that assumption because I assume whoever is reading my blog is around my age group. The one big question that always hang heavy on our heads is what do I want to be in the future? I dream of travelling the world but will that be possible? Will I be stuck in an office all day or in a laboratory which electronics as company? Or will I be sweeping floors off McD? *touch every wood I can see*

The only way to have a certain future is to plan ahead. My high school friend has long set America to be her destination to further her studies. I was very amazed she was able to be so objective at such a young age. She planned everything and work hard and she is now studying in the states. Perhaps she met her fate in school and knew how that was her future and she made sure she did everything to make it a reality. Okay I'm just kidding, she is a very focused and objective person. A very admirable factor about her.

To be honest, up until now, after 22 Novembers, I am still uncertain of my fate. I want to meet him or her or it and have a long argument. I don't want my fate to be a preset path. I take life one step at a time. Maybe that is the reason I can't think of what will my future be. The only thing I plan ahead is what to eat for dinner when I just woke up.

So hey what will you do if you ever meet your fate one day? Will you defy it or just accept it?


I think I want to meet my Doppelganger more than my fate.


Okay I need to start to plan for a future. Bringing joy to the world is not a valid occupation.

This book is too awesome

I find this very beautiful somehow

*inserts a quote which has no relation to the picture*

And I Crash and I Break Down

The blog had a new makeover!

To be honest, I never really put in real effort into the things I do. Well most of the things I do. That's the reason I can't excel and remain average at everything. May it be academics, sports, even gaming. The only time when I felt I put most effort is when I make a present. But how on earth can I sustain a living by making presents?!

After the holidays I was quite motivated for everything including revising for my studies. A week later all the motivation went up in smokes and all I do is watch Dexter all day. I have no idea but a lot of my classes got cancelled as well which does not help me feeling more reluctant to get out of the room.

But hey I need to grow up. I wrote down on my planner what I am supposed to do every day and I only managed to keep it up for two days. Oh god I need to be more organized. To be honest I did not put in my full effort in AIESEC as well which is why I did not gain as much as I could when I was still in my term.

I get distracted way to easily. I can spend an entire day doing nothing but stare at the newsfeed and constantly refreshing every 5 seconds. Good god I need a life.

Okay I promise to follow my schedule and get my life back on track. It won't be easy but I will shut off my laptop or at least turn off the WiFi to get my work done. I do not want to graduate with mediocre results and spend my entire life sweeping floors on fast food restaurants oh god. My dreams of travelling the world is still possible!


That means I shouldn't spend more time on this post and more time on my reports.

Wake up Lee Jing, Wake up





On a side note, my housemates asked if they ever visit Penang, can they crash at my place. I... honestly do not know how to respond to that seeing the way I am with family.


......



Kthnxbye

Forevermore

 There are 12 months in a year and my favorite is still November. I quite like February because it is so interesting having only 28 days or sometimes 29 days. I like everything which is different and odd and just plain different. As much as I'm inclined to liking February, November will always have a place in my heart.

So

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November is upon us which means the end is upon us! The end of the year I mean. Why I like November is because I was born in November November is not exactly at the end of the year but it is not the beginning either. It is like it's close to the end but it is not the end yet. It is the time where I sometimes review what I did this year and see what I still can do before the year ends. Did I kept to my resolutions? I will have two months to complete an entire year's resolution.

There is always hope. Even if you think there isn't, there always is hope.

The only narcissistic nature of myself is I like the way I think. It's like how I can talk about November so much as though it is a real person. Maybe that is the reason I often find books which has a whimsical story line. I like to live in a world of fantasy. Imagine a world where only our imagination limits us. Well technically our world is a world like that. Everything is possible because someone thought of it. We are only bounded by the laws of physicks. What if reality do not matter anymore and anything and everything is possible?

I saw a pothole on the ground and thought of Alice in Wonderland. What if I jump down that pothole? In reality I would just break my ankle. But what if I landed in Fairyland instead?

Okay I think I'm obsessed over this because I'm playing Wonderland by Taylor Swift on repeat. Taylor Swift. Wonderland. My two obsessions. What else can I ask?


I think I should go learn English and write books for children.

People might think I am mad sometimes. Maybe I should really find Wonderland and stay there.

November also is the time I feel like a recluse and stay online all the time but hide my presence well. I will comment on random posts and just stay a low profile. I don't know why I do that. I just do.


Time to hide in shell.

A Twist in My Story

Taylor Swift new album is out and I am stuck in Pahang D: I want the album *hint hint*

So the holidays ended and life resume as usual at the university. I see a lot of my friends getting emotional upon returning to UMP and already start to count the days til the end of the semester. All I feel is.. wokays life goes on. After my second year I have quite adapted to life here. I feel indifferent being here or back home. My wallet feel different thought. Oh god the food is expensive here. The only thing I truly miss about my hometown is the glorious cheap food. I always want to go back home to eat and meet up with people. But now everyone is overseas. Maybe that is why I feel indifferent being here and at home.

After 3 years, to be honest I've quite changed a lot. Heck I can even understand Mandarin. Well not perfectly yet but hey I can buy and sell stuff in Mandarin. I've learned all this through working random part time jobs. Honestly the only reason I work is for the money which is why I usually find for jobs which are high earning. I don't expect to learn much from the jobs or even include them in my resume in the near future, But somehow I am thankful for having the chance to work so many different jobs. This jobs gave me the chance to learn and practice Mandarin. I only can speak mandarin to new people I meet. Somehow I established a very English presence with people who know me for a while now. So usually everyone around me speaks English to me. If I ever speak Mandarin to them it would be awkward. So when I go to work I usually speak mandarin to my coworkers. Every holiday is my chance to improve my Mandarin. After so long finally I can hold up a decent conversation in Mandarin.

Aside from my Mandarin my obsession over Taylor Swift increase tremendously after going to her concert. I used to only collect her album, posters and listen to her songs. Now I follow her updates on social medias and watch her interviews and appearance in talk shows. And now her album is out and I CAN'T GET IT BECAUSE I AM STUCK IN PAHANG D: *Birthday hint*

Week 8 and I still have 8 more weeks to go before the semester ends!

Returning to the classic design of stars and crosses

A sock as the birthday present

This is the first time I found a box which I approve of the design

I rediscover the creative side of me

I will create my own font

So we went up Genting when go back during the holidays. We were there so early the ticket counter was not opened yet so we get to go to the lavender garden for free lolol 

Since we were here so....

Reached Ipoh too late for lunch and too early for dinner and got lost D:

No trip home is complete without having Bacon 

Or going to a cafe

I rediscover the reading side of me

I swear to god if my housemate do not know how to turn off his alarm I will push it down

My essentials 

The monsoon season will be upon us soon and I have prepared myself for it. I have enough food to last half the semester if I really can't go out. So yay now third year and two years to go still. I wonder how much will I change again in another two years. This blog grew up with me. It's funny to see how different I was three years ago when I first started this blog.

I will constantly write in this blog as much as I can.

Wokay now I need to study. And no I do not have a test on the next day. People seem to look so surprised when they see me study and I do not have a test on the next day. Lee Jing grow up d k hahaha not really

Get well soon k Wendy :)

Shake It Off

Okay ignore the teenage girl phase. It will come to pass.


It's been so long and yet honestly I can't hold up a decent conversation in Mandarin. One of my aim is to be able to speak Mandarin before I graduate. Well I have less than two years to accomplish my goal. And meet my future wife before I grad. 


I think I have establish my english-ish presence. Well most of the people I know converse to me in English. I usually only have opportunity to speak and learn Mandarin when I work or meet new people. SO usually people label me as a banana, a term coined from having yellow skin but being white on the inside.

To be honest I find this term degrading. I am not proud to be a banana so of course I do not like being labelled as one. I am proud for being an English ed since like.... forever. It made me who I am today and I happy. Heck I do not know Mandarin but hey I was able to survive for the past few years. I even managed to work as a mooncake promoter which is the most mandarin demanding job I faced, like ever.

The thing is if I'm able to take the initiative to improve my Mandarin then why can't the same be taken by others to improve their English? There are two kinds of people I've met so far. One is they know you can't speak Mandarin so they either speak to you in English or teach you how to speak. Another a person who looks horrified by the fact you can't speak Mandarin and constantly proudly exclaim you are a Chinese so you MUST know Mandarin.

Well I know not everyone is like that but still we are living in Malaysia. A country of so much diversity. If we are able to accept others even from different racial background then why cant we accept the fact that everyone is different?

Wokay I started this post a few days back so to be honest I have quite lost my thoughts on this subject.

So here are some random pictures of things I've done since I've come back.

I saw a fat cat

I went to Cameron Highlands

I went to a Frisbee Clinic

I went back Penang Gambang

I discover a stick of heaven

I climbed a hill

I found a Google Map car in McDonalds Pekan

I drove 15 mins out for a cake just because I love cakes

I make Sakura McFizz in the room

One of my senior who was a role model graduated today

I have grown out of my highschool girly phase. All I need was some sleep lolol.

I have a feeling I appear to everyone as the happy go lucky person who is very optimistic. But then again that is my own assumption. I'm not sure if there are still people who read my blog because I have became quite dormant here. I'm curious do I appear as jolly as I hope I am?



My dream is to bring joy to the world.



Time to gain weight and apply for Santa Claus. I might be the first Asian Santa!



A random thought. I think love is like (500) Days of Summer

Wokay Good Night Peeps!