The following paragraphs may sound sad and depressing and not me but trust me I'm typing this with a smile on my face. Life is too short to get depressed so yay!
Have you ever have someone hating you every second of your life? Finding faults with you although you just kept quiet all day? Thinking a nice thing you did as a secret evil plot? Looking at you as though you are the son of the devil? Still hate you no matter you try your best to be nice or just try your best to be ignorant?
Yeap I felt that ever since form 5. And guess what? The person who hates me all the time is none other than... my very own mother. But hey everyone keep telling me a mother can NEVER hate her children. I always thought I was wrong and hope things between me and her would be better after time but 3 years later nothing change. It only got worse. The only thing that can make me not hate her and just be ignorant is because she is my mother. Among my 2 sisters I felt I treat my mother better but yet again she still hates me the most. Everytime I come home during my holiday my mother always tell me to get lost and not come home. The only reason I come home now is to meet my friends yay! I can't blame my mother entirely. She suffers from mild schizophrenia and needs medication to sleep. I just hope it's just the schizophrenia talking and deep down inside I hope she.. Nope I'm lying to myself if I say I hope deep down inside I hope she still loves me. Things have gotten so terrible that I can't even say a word to her anymore. If I do it would escalate to an argument and I'll just feel worse and I'm tired of all the fights. If I continue fighting with her I might be pushing myself to the edge and be suicidal. But no worries I am fine now. I've learned how blissful ignorance can be. I know life is too short to get sad so yay I'm not letting this affect me in any way possible. Yay!
My dad on the other hand is someone I can really look up to. My dad is someone who really really really kept things to himself. I'll honestly say everyone I know about my dad was from my aunt or my grandma who tell me his stories when he was young. My dad is really artistic. He wanted to pursue his dreams but in the end he had to help my grandpa and work as a foreman. He sacrificed his dream just to help the family. He is someone who is really hardworking and although he is quite distant from us by being quiet he will always work hard to ensure we are taken cared of. He really loves exotic animals and now he has his own zoo ahahahah. It's actually a pet shop but if you see the amount of animals there you would think it's a zoo as well. Dad I know you won't ever read this and it would be insanely awkward if I tell you this face to face but I love you and thank you for all you have done. I will work hard and make sure I can take care of you when I'm older.
I have an elder sister who is currently interning in New Zealand. She is someone I can really talk and relate to although sometimes we don't see eye to eye at times. She is as hardworking as my dad and as responsible as well. If she joined AIESEC i think she would be on her way to be an entrepreneur now lolol.
My younger sister on the other hand is the complete opposite of my elder sis. She is hardworking and responsible as well but she is so so so fragile lololol. My elder sis is someone really tough and only the death of our pets can break her down. My younger sis on the other hand can cry easily. Well she used to be able to cry easily but now she's tougher. After my elder sis left for New Zealand we gotten closer and yea my dad and her are the only family I can go home to when I have my holidays.
I'll be honest and I'll admit I did not cry when both my grandpa passed away. I was closer to my dad's side grandpa. He used to fetch me home everyday from kindergarten and buy me a red bean paste pau which is why I love them so much even now. I think I was too young when he passed away. Now I am feeling sad as I recalled those moments with him. Wherever you are now grandpa know that I love you and I'm thankful for taking care of me so much when I was young.
The most important member of my family is my otter. Why? My otter is able to unite my whole family. Both my sisters had something to go home to. Everytime when I go home and hear his squeal I felt so happy and welcomed. Now he is gone and I've lost my reason to go home to. I did not cry when my grandparents passed away but I cry when my otter passed away. I took care of him since he was a pup for 7 years and I couldn't even be with him when he is gone. I miss my otter so much.
Putting aside all the sadness, I've gotten a job at Tao yay! It's an insanely tough job but I will take it on so I can earn for an exchange. Okay I should be getting back to my work for AIESEC.
Good Night.
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| I've never felt so proud to be part of an organization |
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| xoxo |
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