I Bleed When I Fall Down

I never felt so related to this 

That one moment where reality breaks in and the world of fantasy comes crashing down. 

Eternal November

"em·pa·thy /ˈempəTHē/ noun ; the ability to understand and share the feelings of another."

"Empathy is the capacity to share or recognize emotions experienced by another sentient or fictional being. One may need to have a certain amount of empathy before being able to experience accurate sympathy or compassion." 

"Lack of empathy is one of the most striking features of people with narcissistic personality disorder. It's a hallmark of the disorder in the same way that fear of abandonment is in borderline personality disorder."

Empathy. The one nature in a person that makes them human. The ability to feel, understand and connect to others. Does that one nature truly defines us as a human being? Empathy is the reason we feel guilty or remorse when we do something bad, but then again who is right to define what's right or wrong? Are we merely guided by religion or the basic concept of morality? Do good and harm no one.

There are two things I always seemed to be interested in. Fairy tales or fiction for young adults and psychology. I am always curious to learn how the human works. I wanted to pursue psychology after SPM but my parents forbid me to and here I am now in the engineering field. Perhaps that is the reason I love chemistry. The chemicals in our brain are responsible for our actions. It's like how Cortisol induces stress whereas Dopamine induces joy. It's is funny how such a meaningful thing as falling in love is actually the work of chemicals in our brain. It may not sound romantic but hey it just shows how influential the little chemicals in our head on our life.

Perhaps by understanding how the human mind works I would be able to understand how to react and behave in certain situations. There are countless moments where I just stayed quiet because I did not know how to react to certain situations. Those are the moments where I felt I might not be able to empathize. Which made me worried I might be prone to be a sociopath

But oddly I can empathize pain. Which made me uncomfortable whenever I watch movies or shows with a lot of gore scenes. Heck I even felt it when I read from a book. I have never really felt this way until I started reading about serial killers to present for my oral test in high school. Ever since then I have always felt uncomfortable whenever I watch gory scenes. I can feel the same thing happening to me which assured me I might not be a psychopath as well.

Oddly enough, Game of Thrones or Hannibal do not phase me as much as other shows. But the original Grimm fairy tales do get to me sometimes.

Being socially dormant on Facebook has led me to be more active and wordy in the blog. Okay maybe I should read more positive books and watch happier shows.

A random fact: I am not an avid reader when I was a kid. I only started reading when I finished form 6. Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events was the series that sparks my interest in reading. Ever since then I go broke buying so many books now I am just reading them again so I won't have to starve lolol. Just kidding. I still have some books I have yet to finish so I vowed not to get any more new books until I have finished them.

Perhaps I should read my academic books more than fiction and fantasy.

Owells it is still November yay!

Only The Dead Do Not Argue

"You cannot argue with fate, you can only defy it. You can only say no. No is how you know something is alive. Only the dead do not argue"

Mark Twain once said the most two important days in our lives is the day we are born and the day we found out why. We spend most of our time finding our place in the world. Our purpose. It might be the one thing that drives us to achieve everything we dream of. What if you meet your own fate? Not as in you are going to die. What if fate is a person you meet one day? A person who will tell you what is your fate, your purpose in this world. Would you want to find out your own destiny? What if your fate is something you did not expect it to be or even something you do not want to be? Is it still possible to change your fate?

We are all at the age where we contemplate on life and try to figure out what do we want to be in the future. Well I made that assumption because I assume whoever is reading my blog is around my age group. The one big question that always hang heavy on our heads is what do I want to be in the future? I dream of travelling the world but will that be possible? Will I be stuck in an office all day or in a laboratory which electronics as company? Or will I be sweeping floors off McD? *touch every wood I can see*

The only way to have a certain future is to plan ahead. My high school friend has long set America to be her destination to further her studies. I was very amazed she was able to be so objective at such a young age. She planned everything and work hard and she is now studying in the states. Perhaps she met her fate in school and knew how that was her future and she made sure she did everything to make it a reality. Okay I'm just kidding, she is a very focused and objective person. A very admirable factor about her.

To be honest, up until now, after 22 Novembers, I am still uncertain of my fate. I want to meet him or her or it and have a long argument. I don't want my fate to be a preset path. I take life one step at a time. Maybe that is the reason I can't think of what will my future be. The only thing I plan ahead is what to eat for dinner when I just woke up.

So hey what will you do if you ever meet your fate one day? Will you defy it or just accept it?


I think I want to meet my Doppelganger more than my fate.


Okay I need to start to plan for a future. Bringing joy to the world is not a valid occupation.

This book is too awesome

I find this very beautiful somehow

*inserts a quote which has no relation to the picture*

And I Crash and I Break Down

The blog had a new makeover!

To be honest, I never really put in real effort into the things I do. Well most of the things I do. That's the reason I can't excel and remain average at everything. May it be academics, sports, even gaming. The only time when I felt I put most effort is when I make a present. But how on earth can I sustain a living by making presents?!

After the holidays I was quite motivated for everything including revising for my studies. A week later all the motivation went up in smokes and all I do is watch Dexter all day. I have no idea but a lot of my classes got cancelled as well which does not help me feeling more reluctant to get out of the room.

But hey I need to grow up. I wrote down on my planner what I am supposed to do every day and I only managed to keep it up for two days. Oh god I need to be more organized. To be honest I did not put in my full effort in AIESEC as well which is why I did not gain as much as I could when I was still in my term.

I get distracted way to easily. I can spend an entire day doing nothing but stare at the newsfeed and constantly refreshing every 5 seconds. Good god I need a life.

Okay I promise to follow my schedule and get my life back on track. It won't be easy but I will shut off my laptop or at least turn off the WiFi to get my work done. I do not want to graduate with mediocre results and spend my entire life sweeping floors on fast food restaurants oh god. My dreams of travelling the world is still possible!


That means I shouldn't spend more time on this post and more time on my reports.

Wake up Lee Jing, Wake up





On a side note, my housemates asked if they ever visit Penang, can they crash at my place. I... honestly do not know how to respond to that seeing the way I am with family.


......



Kthnxbye

Forevermore

 There are 12 months in a year and my favorite is still November. I quite like February because it is so interesting having only 28 days or sometimes 29 days. I like everything which is different and odd and just plain different. As much as I'm inclined to liking February, November will always have a place in my heart.

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November is upon us which means the end is upon us! The end of the year I mean. Why I like November is because I was born in November November is not exactly at the end of the year but it is not the beginning either. It is like it's close to the end but it is not the end yet. It is the time where I sometimes review what I did this year and see what I still can do before the year ends. Did I kept to my resolutions? I will have two months to complete an entire year's resolution.

There is always hope. Even if you think there isn't, there always is hope.

The only narcissistic nature of myself is I like the way I think. It's like how I can talk about November so much as though it is a real person. Maybe that is the reason I often find books which has a whimsical story line. I like to live in a world of fantasy. Imagine a world where only our imagination limits us. Well technically our world is a world like that. Everything is possible because someone thought of it. We are only bounded by the laws of physicks. What if reality do not matter anymore and anything and everything is possible?

I saw a pothole on the ground and thought of Alice in Wonderland. What if I jump down that pothole? In reality I would just break my ankle. But what if I landed in Fairyland instead?

Okay I think I'm obsessed over this because I'm playing Wonderland by Taylor Swift on repeat. Taylor Swift. Wonderland. My two obsessions. What else can I ask?


I think I should go learn English and write books for children.

People might think I am mad sometimes. Maybe I should really find Wonderland and stay there.

November also is the time I feel like a recluse and stay online all the time but hide my presence well. I will comment on random posts and just stay a low profile. I don't know why I do that. I just do.


Time to hide in shell.